Hola amigos,
Are you ready for today's episode? I hope so, as today will cover a weird property of Europe, my first trip to a haunted place in Ohio, and the sounds of the sixth planet.

Today's first unbelievable topic contains one of my favorite harbingers of Christmas joy...the Devil. From the Devil comes the European Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, a bushy old guy who resembles the Pope; it is reported he also has a gamy stench. For the fortunately ignorant, I'll relate a little history. Bishop Nicholas of Myra was born in Turkey sometime in the Third Century. Being a good churchgoer, he eventually rose to the rank of bishop before being slapped around by Roman Emperor Diocletian. Like all Saints, he eventually died on Dec. 6th, 343 AD; if he had managed to live an additional 1636 years, he would have lived to see my rather boring birth. Legend has it, Nicholas was quite the big spender earning the nickname "the ATM with the goofiest hat." He would be remembered in the modern Europe as the Saint who put down Dec. 25th by moving the main gift giving day to Dec. 6th. Now old guys with enormous beards don't get respect on either side of the Atlantic and thus need help. Santa has the luxury of elves and reindeer to help him make his Christmas Pizza Delivery run with ease. St. Nick doesn't have these luxuries; so who does he have? His cadre of helpers are mostly benevolent like a white horse, a donkey, and angels. He can also have comedic helpers like the dingy hobo Knecht Ruprecht, the evil butcher Père Fouettard, everyone's favorite glorified porter Black Peter, and of course the one who most resembles Dropo(whom you can read about here http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/498.html ),Schmutzli. As a side note Schmutzli's face is supposed to be covered in lard possibly to aid in sliding down chimneys face first. The most ominous character he hangs with has to be the Krampus. Now you may be ready to say what the Robinson are you smoking, and I would say bear with me. The Krampus is depicted as a furry devil in chains, often carrying switches, rotton potatoes, coal, and a serious overbite. He's quite popular with the ladies as well. Krampus is delegated as the sadist of the two, and thus beats the crap out of naughty children. Most children don't feel the pain as they wet themselves sometime before from just laying eyes on the Krampus.Apparently in Europe scary disciplinarian demon types are quite poular, thus Krampus gets his own day -the first Saturday of December. For a long time, people took the Krampus thing seriously...creating a spike in lawsuits each December. But in modern times, like so many other European traditions , Krampus Day has become yet another excuse to drink heavily. And thus was born the Krampuskräntchen. Basically a big party, held in a beer hall or community center, and often organized by local high school students (the road to alcoholism starts early). Beer and liquor are consumed in mass quantities, and the end result is the Krampus janitor's nightmare. Then, around Midnight, a bunch of guys(up to a few hundred)dressed as the Krampus rush into the hall and start swatting people with switches. Some people fight back, but most are too drunk, and take the demonic smackdown with whatever dignity a European wino has. This goes on for much longer than is really necessary; finally the krampuses take off their masks, everyone has a good laugh, and they start drinking again. Are you asleep yet?

Here comes round two. Once upon a time, I got bored and started to surf the net for general weirdness, which involved the exploration for haunted places nearby. Many places I found gave lousy directions like the Dover Mental Cage, the House of Nightmares, or Frankenstein's Tower(for you Daytonites(that's not a real word in the way Cleveland isn't real); however, I did find spifftacular directions to an attraction in Ohio's least populous county, Vinton. This would be the haunted Moonville Tunnel located in Lake Hope State Park. A little history is in order courtesy of Forgotten Ohio. History lesson: Deep in the backwoods of Vinton County stands the Moonville Tunnel, a relic from an era long gone. The town it is named for was born when the Marietta and Cincinnati railroad was built through the coal- and iron-rich woods of southeastern Ohio in 1856. At its peak in the 1870s, the town boasted a population of more than 100--almost exclusively miners and their families. There was a row of houses along the railroad tracks, a sawmill just down Raccoon Creek, a general store, and a saloon. In its early days the residents of Moonville worked in the Hope Furnace nearby, but later on they turned almost exclusively to mining coal underground. The coal was then used in the many iron furnaces in the vicinity, usually the one at Hope, where weapons and artillery for the Union Army were made during the Civil War. I decided I didn't have the balls to go alone, so I dragged the rents along since my local friends are non-existent. I don't really believe in ghosts per say, yet haunted places are great for road trip destinations for the general atmosphere. So why is Moonville Tunnel haunted? Let's use the Wayback Machine to head back to Forgotten Ohio. The ghost of the Moonville Tunnel is one of those legends that's based on historical fact but has been distorted by telling and retelling over the years. The major story is that someone--an engineer, a conductor, a brakeman, a signalman?--was crushed under the wheels of the train that used to go through the place. Apart from that basic fact, things get hazy. Was he drunk? Was he stationed in Moonville or was he a brakeman on the train? Was he an eight-foot-tall black guy named Rastus Dexter? Some sources say he was playing cards with other guys. It's been said that he was a conductor murdered by a vengeful engineer who asked him to inspect underneath the train and then started it up. One source even said that he was trying to get the train to stop because Moonville was in the grip of a plague and was running low on supplies. His death was the end of Moonville. This seems a little too romantic, especially since the actual newspaper article from the McArthur Democrat on March 31, 1859 tells a much more mundane story: "A brakesman on the Marietta & Cincinnati Railroad fell from the cars near Cincinnati Furnace, on last Tuesday March 29, 1859 and was fatally injured, when the wheels passing over and grinding to a shapeless mass the greater part of one of his legs. He was taken on the train to Hamden and Doctors Wolf and Rannells sent for to perform amputation, but the prostration of the vital energies was too great to attempt it. The man is probably dead ere this. The accident resulted from a too free use of liquor." Saturday afternoons in June appeared to be the best time for me, so after following the handy directions we found ourselves standing on the ex-tressle of the tunnel. Since the terssle across Raccoon Creek is deceased, you have to cross in the water sans shoes. I crossed with some dude who was there with his gf when I arrived. As a side note, we should have worn shoes as we both almost swam in Beaver water numerous times...Beaver Fever?!?!?!?!?! Across the creek and up a hill, you eventually come to a rocky path covering the ex-tracks. The shoeless retard, will hop around like an idiot as rocks are driven into their exposed feet. As the path ahs been traveled by numerous college persons and satanists over the years there could have been a nail or two along the path...TETANUS?!?!?!?!?!?! At the edge of the rock path lies a nice hole in the hill also known as the Moonville Tunnel. Stories have told of cold spots, lights, figures, and train sounds being experienced here, along with the ever-popular grafitti of decades. My impression after crawling over and above the tunnel was this. I experienced peace. That's right peace. Now there are very few places I want to stay at like this place. Well I almost wanted to stay there if not for two reasons. First the evil clown grafitti by the remains of a fire surrounded by bones is a little freaky. Second, the path was still rocky. Pain and scary bones are enough to drive me off, so after taking some holiday snaps including the obligatory proof shot, I tied some plants to my feet and ran for the creek almost falling in yet again. To this day, I remember the peace unlike the evil I felt on my adventure to Lakin State Mental Hospital in Point Pleasant, however, that is another tale. For those who want to see pictures, or go to Moonville to experience Zen/a damp abandoned tunnel, go to this site... http://www.forgottenoh.com/moonville.html.

Traveling around Noory's site yet again, I found an interesting link for those weird music fans. Classified under *raising my left index finger as I say it* QUANTUM PHYSICS and other mysteries of Outer Space, comes the sounds of Saturn. Aurora near the poles cause this haunting galactic symphony, so please listen. Just remember anything can be music to someone. Linky time... http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/cassini/multimedia/pia07966.html.

For your own personal amusement, here comes some pictures.

First up: An illustration of how anyone including St. Nicholas can resemble the Pope.




Next: It's Christmas in Hell!!!







Tomorrow: An often overlooked gem from Mexico's period of stealing overworked American actors, my discussion of the founding mothers of Alternative music, as-well-as my reaction to the most startling moment on the first episode of Hogan Knows Best.

Hoohah!!!